Reflecting on the Past Few Months
I think a lot about what life used to be like. Sometimes that thinking turns into dwelling, which I’ve been told is not particularly useful or productive, but it’s the truth. In these times, how could you not? I hold onto the sweet and savory memories of “what once was” by a thread, praying that, one day, we’ll be able to experience the joy of living again. That we won’t have to go on in this way anymore. Survival mode that is. It’s getting old. And so is this godawful winter.
We will get through this. I play it like a broken record over and over in my head every day because I don’t always have the strength to believe it, but I know it’s true. This is all just a bump in the road, maybe a flat tire or two and we’re riding on the spare for a few miles too long. Sure, there’s bound to be some permanent damage to the body, but everyone prefers a car with some character, right?
It’s true what they say about mindset. Everyday you have a choice. You can decide to let this thing get the best of you or you can rise above. But there’s also a third option… a more forgiving and honest option that no one likes to talk about, which is that you can do a little bit of both. This is where you’ll find me these days. I’m committed to hope, but I hold space for doubt.
There have been moments throughout all of this where I just couldn’t bring myself to soldier on, despite a valiant effort. And I’m okay with that. I respect positivity, but I honor humanity. Allow yourself to simmer in the discomfort of this time. Feel what you need to feel and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Take it at your own pace.
Hold onto those sweet memories from the past. Package them up with the pockets of light you find in the present. Let the little wins fill up your cup for now, but know that there is another side to all of this. And we’re going to make it there.